Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My ATM looks so different sober.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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