Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
