I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
