Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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