i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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