sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
