Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
