She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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