so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
