why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
