She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
