I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This house was built for laser tag.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
