I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
