And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
