Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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