shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
