I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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