I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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