At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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