At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
