i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
