Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
