Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
