woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love having hate sex.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
