well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
