White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
