how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
