READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
