he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
