I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
