I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
