one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
