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You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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