two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
