I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
