He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
