guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
