turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
