I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
