i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm both gender and math confused
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
