my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
