Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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