I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
