I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
