For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
