hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
