dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
