im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
