I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
