You're my little dorito
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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