This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
